I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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