Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
