I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
