The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
