My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
