I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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