Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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