so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
