Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
