ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
