Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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