My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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