What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
