i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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