Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
