We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
