we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
