chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
