i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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