so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
