They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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