I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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