Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
