dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
