Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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