are you still at the devil's house?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
