i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
