Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
