if you like me you must not know who I am
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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