You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
