I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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