I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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