Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
