Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
