Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
