I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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