thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
