i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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