I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize