Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
