i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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