My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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