My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
