somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
