i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
