mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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