So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
