1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
