Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
