I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Found the puke drawer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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