New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
