just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
