So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
