Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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