you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
