So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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