i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
