My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
