I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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