i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
