I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
