This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We are all done wearing pants today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
