I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
