I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh god the rape fog is back!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
