I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
