So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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