then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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