I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
where does the pee come out of this thing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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