Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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