I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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