I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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