I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
