In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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