I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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