College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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