Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
